I think I'm falling
by beavercorn
Summary: School based Phan story. Dan has a lot of problems. When he meets Phil, can he help Dan overcome them? (Fuck, I'm bad at summaries.. Hopefully you get the idea. Rated M to be safe. ALSO, MAY BE TRIGGERING! Not for people who are easily upset by themes like self harm and other issues along that line.
1. A trophy father's trophy son

**So, I wanted this story to have songs as the titles for each chapter.. It was a good idea at 3am okay. This chapter is named after a song by sleeping with sirens.**

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Staring down at my arms, that were now raw, I felt a tear trickle down my face as I searched for another part of my skin to cut.. There was almost none that wasn't impossible to cover before college.

"Dan.. Come down and get some breakfast."

My mum called to me as I jumped up, slightly startled. Hiding this from her was becoming harder and harder. She already knew I didn't eat (but made me food anyway) and if she knew I cut too she would think I was some kind of freak.

"Come on Dan.. You've gotta eat! It's your first day of Sixth form and I can't have you going in hungry." She called again.

I wouldn't be hungry.. She knew that. I had done it for so long now that I feel a constant numbing feeling in my stomach that never really changes.

"If you don't get down in 10 seconds you're not getting a lift and you can catch the bus" She called once again in a desperate attempt to get me down. It wasn't that far to walk yet I sighed with defeat and rolled my sleeve down as I made my way down the stairs.

"There you are!" she met me at the bottom of the stairs as she opened her arms to give me a hug. Why was she acting like this? She never usually acts this way.

I went to the living room to see my Dad. He was the only person who gave me any kind of happiness. I always saw him in the living room in the mornings while he set up his brief case to go to work. As I walked into the living room there was no one in there.

"Where's Dad?"

"Um.. He went to work early?"

"That's a lie.. His brief case is still in the corner."

"Dan.. Sit down. I think we have to talk."

"There's nothing to talk about." I ran up to my room and locked the door. I needed the release I had depended on for so many years. I deserved this. I was the reason Dad wasn't here.. It's obvious. I'm a faliure. I threw myself against the door and sank to the floor with my blade in one hand. I dug into a piece of skin I hadn't previously cut.

"Dan!" Mum called through the door knocking on it to get me out.

"Go away! It's my fault.. I know it's my fault!"

"No.. Dan. It's not your fault. He ran away in the night because he was scared of asking for a divorce. He's been cheating on me for months with a younger woman. It's nothing to do with you!"

"Just go away!"

"Okay.. You don't have to go in today if you don't want to sweetie"

"No.."

"Why not?"

I hated to admit it but starting sixth form might be slightly bearable.. It's a fresh start after all and people might not judge me as much as they used to in Secondary School.

"Because.. It's only the first day.. and.. It's only two hours to meet my year and my head of year.. I can stand that, right?" I told half the truth back to her.

"Okay, well what ever you want."

My heart rate slowed down to it's normal pace as I exhaled a sigh of relief at the fact she hadn't come in. She wouldn't be able to forgive me if she saw me cutting.

My Mum had already left for work by the time I had to go in.. So much for the lift. I got my bag that had a pencil case and a notebook. That's all we were told to bring. I tried to remember the way to the Secondary School that my sixth form was in. It wasn't my previous secondary school. It was one closer to home with less people I knew. I finally found the school.

"Hello. Welcome to Tachbrook Academy. I guess you're here for the sixth form college. I'm the Head Teacher, Mr Roberts. Nice to meet you" The man held his hand out. I was a few inches taller then him and he looked oddly similar to Boris Johnson, the Mayor of London. I didn't dare to tell him this. He would probably have me excluded on the first day. I just awkwardly smiled at him and shook his hand.

"Go towards that door and meet up with your form tutor." he said, pointing at what seemed to be the main hall.

"Um.. Who is my form tutor?"

"There is a list on that board over there. Just look for your name and the teachers name and inside the room each teacher will be wearing a large sticker with their name"

"Thanks sir" I said as I walked over to the notice board.

'Welcome all New year 12 students. These are your form groups.'

12M- Mr Adams: I scanned through all the names and mine was not on it.  
12U- Mr Watson: My name was still not on it

12X- Miss Jackson: My name had to be on this one. I looked down and found my name about 11 or 12 places down.

I walked in the room and it wasn't too hard to recognise my teacher as it was the only woman form tutor. I approached her and she was a young looking slightly small woman with ginger hair.

"Hi" I said to her awkwardly. I hated speaking to people.

"Hey! Name?"

"Dan."

"last name?"

"Howell."

"Okay.. Can you pair with.." she started scrolling her pen up and down her register. "um.. Can you pair with Mr Lester?" She pointed to a boy with pale skin, bright blue eyes and jet black hair. I slowly walked up to him as he looked up from his book.

"Hey.. I'm Phil." He held his hand out like the head teacher had done earlier and I shook it, ever so slightly lost in his dazzaling eyes.

"Dan.."

"Nice to meet you, Dan"

"Yeah, you too, Phil"


	2. Weightless

**This chapter is named after an All Time Low song**

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There was little conversation between me and Phil for a short while. As some people entered the premisses extremely late and some teachers were going around checking everyone was here, I just let the world fly past me as I thought about Dad.. Why would he leave us? What will my brother say when he gets home from his friend's house to hear that news? He'll be heart-broken.

"Is everything alright?" I was slightly distracted from my thoughts when Phil spoke.

"Oh.. Um. Yeah.. It's nothing.." I muttered to him. I desperately wanted to tell him about Dad and about me harming myself and the fact I barely ate. I wanted to tell a stranger all my deepest darkest secrets? Is it because despite only knowing him for roughly 6 minutes, He seemed like an understanding and trustworthy person?

"You don't sound okay.. anything you'd like to talk about?"

"Um.. Not here.. I don't want anyone finding out"

"Okay.. I know a place we could go when this hell has finished.. Pretty quiet there."

"Um.. Sure.."

We were made to stay with our partner and interact with them.. Find common interests. Turns out he likes Muse, Gaming, Internet and isn't the best at human interaction, just like me. We were then given a small tour around the school and then had an assembly with the year group explaining all the rules of the school and how we're expected to behave.

School ended and I breathed in the Autumn air as we walked to this place Phil said he knew. We finally reached a forest and walked through it as the leaves crunched and the twigs broke beneath our feet. I had no idea where we were but I trusted Phil. As I took in my surroundings he started to fight his was through some long tree branches and held them back for me. As I moved the branches out of the way a lake came into view. The sun shone down on it making the water shimmer ever so slightly. Phil walked closer to the water and looks down in it before sitting down on the ground beside the lake.

"Wow.." I said, admiring the view.

"It's beautiful, isn't it."

"Yeah.. How did you find it?"

"Found it when I was very young.. I did some exploring with my brother and ever since then I come here to relax or clear my head."

"Well, It's amazing."

"Yeah.. So did you want to talk about anything?" he said with a light smile on his face. A lump formed in my throat as I sat down beside him.

"Um.. I.. I.. You know what, It doesn't matter!" I said to him, looking down at the floor.

"Dan.. It clearly does if you don't even want to talk about it." He said softly, taking grip of my hands.

"Well.. uh.. When I was 13 I started self harming because of bullying. As I started to become more insecure my harming got worse and I would do it whenever I had anything bad or anything that made me feel angry happen to me. It's gotten out of control now.. Since then I've my depression has gotten worse and this morning my dad left home.."

"Oh." he looked at me sadly.

"yeah..."

"You don't deserve that.."

"I do.. I'm a fuck up. I deserve everything bad I've ever gotten and more"

"No.. No human does. I've only known you for less then a day, but I know for a fact you're one of the friendliest people I've even met-"

"No I'm not.." I cut him off because he could lay anymore compliments on me.. I don't take it very well at all. I stand up and start to walk away when his arm grabs on to mine.

"Um, do you want to come back to mine and play video games?" he says to me as I turn around so I can see his face once again. I smile at him showing him my answer and so he turns back the way I was facing only moments ago and walks me back through the forest back to his place.


	3. Emergency

**This Chapter is named after a Paramore song :]**

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We finally reached the front door of Phil's house. He unlocked it and walked in, holding it open for me too.

"Phil.. Is that you?" I heard a polite sounding woman's voice from one of the rooms up the hall.

"Yeah, Mum. I brought a friend back so we're gonna go upstairs and play some video games" Phil called back to his Mum.

"Okay. Dinner should be ready at around 7 or 8. Is your friend staying?"

"Dan, you staying for dinner?" he said to me in a slightly quieter voice.

Shit.. I can't tell him I don't eat either..

"Um.. I don't think I should."

"No, it's fine. My mum has plenty of food.."

"No, I think my mum wants me home by 7 because she gets home from work at 6:30 and if I'm out too much after then she panics." I lied to him. In reality she doesn't care about me.

"Okay. I'll just tell my mum" he smiled at me and the went to the kitchen to tell her. After he got out he smiled once again and began to talk.

"Okay. You wanna go and play now?"

"Sure.. What did you want to play?"

"I have a pretty big collection of games.. You can choose one"

We ran up the stairs and reached his bedroom. He was right, he did have a large collection of games. I looked through the games and finally picked up a random Sonic game. We sat on his bed playing for hours.

"Hey, what time did you have to leave?" Phil asked after about 3 hours.

"What time is it now?" I responded to him.

"It's 6:49"

"Really? I should probably get going."

"You want me to walk you home?"

"Um.. Okay." He smiled at me and grabbed his coat as we walked down the stairs.

We stepped out and walked by the side of the forest.

"So why didn't you want to eat?" he said to me after a few minutes of silence.

"I told you, my Mum panics." I said back at him awkwardly.

"You didn't sound too sure.."

"Well, I am. Just trust me, okay?" I tried to do one of the smiles he does to reassure me, but I'm pretty sure my attempt failed and I actually just looked like a sloth that has fallen out of a tree.

"Anyway, how far away do you live?"

"Not far.. about 10 minutes from here."

"Okay. So what courses are you taking for A level?"

"Um.. I'm taking Drama, Geography, English, music and film.. You?"

"Oh cool, Yeah, I'm taking Drama, art, history, photography and film. I guess they paired us up because we were taking such similar courses."

"Yeah, probably." I said.

"You're pretty good at Sonic" I laughed a little at his comment.

"Yeah, so are you" and he laughed even more at my comment.

Finally. I actually think I'm making a friend. For the first time in my life. And they're not judging me, They like me for me.

I then started to feel very dizzy. My head became heavy and my vision started to blur. I held my head in pain.

"Dan, are you alright? You don't look so good." Phil asked me in concern.

"Ye..Yeah.. just.." my vision blurred even more as I blacked out.


End file.
